Power Games

Let's face it, we all take part in power games. If you're not sure what I'm talking about here are some recent examples:

• Scenario 1: I went golfing with a gentleman recently and on the way to the course we got talking about his recent vacation to Colorado. I mentioned that I visited Monica while she was there several years ago. I told him that we made our way up to the beautiful Estes Park and would like to go back there someday. He replied by informing me that Estes Park is more of a "blue collar vacation spot" in Colorado and not really on the same level as that of Breckenridge where you can buy an "oil" for $80,000.
• Scenario 2: I took an airport shuttle from the parking lot to the terminal the other day and on the brief drive got to talking with the other folks in the shuttle. This one, young-ish lady said that she was headed to Chicago to see her husband who is there on business. She followed it up by mentioning that she used to live near Wrigley Field, but "on the water, in a high rise." Thanks for the clarification.
• Scenario 3: On one of my flights this weekend I sat across the aisle from a gentleman who was wearing a very large, gold ring. I couldn't read all of it but it I could read "National Collegiate" something or other and "Inducted" something or other. Point being--he was inducted into the NCAA Hall of Fame for something. Certainly that's an admirable thing, I guess, but the thing that got to me was that this guy rested his hand, the one with the giant ring on it, on his tray table the entire flight. There was nothing else on the tray table, no drink, no book, no Spirit magazine, no Sky Mall, just his massive ringed hand.

In each scenario the highlighted person felt a need to position himself or herself above the others. Why do we do that? What made the guy in Scenario 1 feel that he needed to label Estes Park as "blue collar?" Couldn't the girl in Scenario 2 just have said that she used to live in Chicago, or near Wrigley? Why did she have to point out that she in fact lived in a high rise on the water? All of these experiences annoyed me a bit, but none more than Scenario 4.

• Scenario 4: It was getting close to the time for Addie to take a nap and we were in her room. I asked her to do something and she responded by throwing her blanket at me. I asked her to come off her bed and apologize to me and her response was to lay motionless. (Background: we've been working with her to obey quickly, so obviously the limp response was a bit of an irritant). Because she did not obey the first time asked I led her out into the hallway to stand in the corner (her timeout spot). She responded by throwing herself on the floor and yelling. I picked her up and stood her in the corner, which only made her more angry. At this point I was getting angry since it was past the time for her nap and she was also growing more upset with me. I told her that since she was choosing to not obey that she would not be able to read books before her nap. This apparently hit a nerve with her because she yelled at me like I have never heard before. My ire got the best of me and I yelled louder than she did, as if by besting her shout I would win. Instantly I knew what I had just done. I had positioned myself above her in the same way as the folks in the previous three scenarios did. And for what? What do we gain in doing that? Is there something we're trying to win? Are we afraid of losing? If so, what are we afraid of losing?