Still Waiting...

As some of you may know, the main theme of Advent is waiting. We're told to "wait for the Lord"--to wait for His coming. This waiting is part of what marks us as Christians. Waiting is part of who we are, part of our DNA. As someone who has inherited this almost 2,000 year old penchant for waiting, it should be easy, right?

Waiting, I must confess, is getting old. For over 3 years now we have been waiting and hoping that Monica would get pregnant. It hasn't happened so we continue to wait. Now our journey includes adoption plans. I'm thankful for the opportunity and resources to be able to pursue adoption, but even this process hasn't removed the waiting aspect. Now we find ourselves waiting for enough finances for the next step. When we reach that goal, we'll enter into another phase of waiting--waiting to be matched with a birth mother. And then we'll wait some more.

Enduring these years of hoping and waiting has been difficult for Monica. She so badly wants to hold a baby, her baby; to experience what so many women around her have been experiencing these last few years. For me, waiting reminds me that I'm not in control. I can't will a baby into our family. I can't make Monica's dreams come true. These things are not in my control and that bothers me. And so I wait, but as I said above, waiting is getting old. So what do we do in the interim?

During the Advent and Christmas seasons, we have been singing a song at church called "Emmanuel." Here are some of the words to that song (also found here):

What fear we felt in the silent age

Four-hundred years can He be found

But broken by a baby's cry

Rejoice in the hallowed manger ground

Every time we've sung this song I got tears in my eyes. Although it hasn't been 400 years since we heard from God (Monica says sometimes it's felt that long!) these last few years have seemed to drag on and on and on (reminds me of a scene in The Jerk, but I digress...). When singing these words it gives me hope--hope that this fear, this waiting, this silence can be broken. And like the people of Israel there was nothing they could do to bring this about. This baby was not a work of their own hands, or something, or someone, they produced; rather, this baby came as a gift from heaven. This baby was a miracle.

I find consolation in this story for it speaks of a God who can do impossible and improbable things. I know we are not guaranteed that our circumstances will work out just as we had planned. I'm not banking on the events of life to go a certain way; rather, I'm putting my hope in this God who can break into the silence of our lives and radically transform everything. For that reason I'll continue to 'rejoice in the hallowed manger ground.'

The Sounds of Life These Days

Addie has been reeling off some pretty funny things to say these days, so I thought I'd "put them down on paper" before I forget them. Here they are:

• Lately if Monica or I have made mention of Disney, or Florida, or the princesses, or anything Disney related, Addie says, "You know I don't want you to talk about that place because it'll just make me want to go back!" Mom and Dad are still learning boundaries!
• "Dad, sometimes I can see stuff you and Mom can't, like invisible stuff. Like this morning I saw purple stuff coming down from the sky."
• Today we had an exciting morning as we saw an opossum in our backyard. For a bit it went out of our view and I thought it went into a window-well, which can be seen in our basement. We went downstairs to get a look and again Addie's superhero powers came into play, "Dad, lift me up because I can see invisible stuff."
• {A week or so ago I was at her school helping her and other kids build gingerbread houses and a little girl next to me was saying something. I ask her what she said and then Addie chimed in with this...} "Don't worry about 'K', she talks crazy-talk sometimes!"
• Tonight while reading a book about adoption, I asked Addie, without any other prompting and without previously introducing the characters, what was taking place on the page. Her response, "That's the social worker, and she is showing the mommy a picture of the baby they're going to adopt."

I've been teasing with Addie lately saying that I don't want her to get any bigger or older than she is right now, which she finds pretty funny. While I know I can't stop the onward march of time, I wish I could because I love the stage she is at right now. I know that all too soon the innocence of the statements above will be replaced by the words of a school-age girl, and then those of a teenager, and so on. I know parents with older kids will tell me that each age and stage has its own merits, but I'm not ready for those other stages yet. I like my 5-year-old just the way she is.

Back to Blogging

It's been a long, long time since I wrote a blog post. Yesterday, while looking for a recipe on here, I read a post in which I told the story of Addie seeing a lady in a fur coat and turning to me asked, "Da-da, is she a puppy?" That was it. At that point I knew it was time to return to writing so I could share with the world, or the 6 family members who read this, the random stuff that happens in my life and brain.

So let this be the first of many, or a few dozen, or just a couple, blog posts in the near future...

What John the Baptist Doesn't Say

Last night in the Bible study that I lead at church on Wednesdays, we were looking at Luke's account of John the Baptist in chapter 3. John is addressing a Jewish audience, an audience that sought him in the wilderness. These folks, apparently inquisitive enough to come looking for him, wanted to be baptized. John, not one to mince words, tells them that their family history alone does not put them in right relationship with God; on the contrary, only those who are acting in ways consistent with repentance (change of mind and actions) are in right relationship with God.

So obviously this crowd want to know what to do, and here is where we get John's answer. John tells those who have two tunics to share with someone who has none. The one with food should do the same.

Does that strike you as odd? Why doesn't John address the ones who don't have two tunics, or don't have food. Surely they must share some responsibility in their situation, right? What about some personal responsibility? They need to get their act together before getting any handouts--am I right???. After all, this is the way the world works. Soon enough they're going to become dependent upon the giver, right?

The truth is we don't know what John may have thought about those folks who were the recipients--he doesn't tell us. All we have is these few sentences in which he addresses those who want to be baptized. John says if you're going to be baptized and follow the Messiah this is what you're focus is to be. Stop looking to the right and to the left. Put your picket signs down. Stop pointing fingers. Be single-minded and do the sorts of acts consistent with your changed lifestyle.

Want a better idea of what this lifestyle looks like that John is talking about? Keep reading in Luke and follow Jesus all the way to the cross.

Jesus, Addie, and School

On Wednesday nights at church I have been leading a Bible study and we are currently reading Luke's gospel. For this week we are focusing on the portion in chapter two where Jesus' family travels to Jerusalem for a festival. As they head back home they realize Jesus is not traveling in their company, so Mary and Joseph head back toward Jerusalem to find their boy.

As I have been reading this over the last several days I've had a difficult time understanding their reaction. I figured that Mary, who had been pondering stuff in her heart, had a better inkling of what Jesus was to be about. However, Jesus' parents were angry with him for staying behind and not joining them as a boy his age should have. He wasn't old enough to be sitting around with teachers and playing adult games like this. He was a boy after all and they were his parents. It wasn't time for this yet, right?

Tonight we went to a Back to School night for Addie's pre-school, which is located in a local grade school. The minute we walked in things felt funny. It was chaotic. Lines here, forms there, sign-ups for PTO, Fundraising, etc. Then there was the big gym and a bunch of classrooms with kids and parents going every which way. Next to me is my little three-year-old, pint-sized daughter wearing her Princess Tiana backpack. On her tiptoes she's barely able to get a drink from the fountain and in two days she would be starting pre-school.

I get where Mary and Joseph are coming from. I want to protect Addie from the chaos of the world. She doesn't need to learn "adult" stuff yet, that'll come all too soon. I want her home with her mom and me where we can control her little world. I get Mary and Joseph's reaction now--I don't think they were angry with Jesus, I just think they weren't ready for him to be about his Father's business. After all it's the unknown that's out of our control.

Our First Marriage Retreat

This past weekend Monica and I went on our first marriage retreat with some people who all had some connection to the campus ministry, Ichthus, at Kansas State University. The retreat was held at the Prairiewood Retreat center in Manhattan, Kansas. Although the retreat facility was only a few miles outside of town it felt like we were in some remote place with no connection to reality--and that felt great. The last time we felt like that was a few years ago when we joined some friends on a houseboat in Tennessee. The moral of the story is that no television and no cell phone use is good for a marriage. It was wonderful taking a few days to concentrate only on us and our relationship. Here are some of the highlights from this past weekend:

• Plenty of free time! Scheduled throughout the weekend was free time so that we could really get rest if we wanted or to use some other way. We took the opportunity to cruise the K-State campus which I had never seen before. I have to admit, it's a beautiful campus. Here's a picture of Hale Library.

• Retreat Center...Prairiewood was a beautiful place with huge bedrooms, beautiful scenery, and most importantly a nice hot tub and pool. If we stick around this area for a few years I would love to lead another group back to this place.
  

• Solid teaching...Doug Burford was our scheduled speaker and he did a great job leading us into discussion and providing us with some new tools to help us as we move back into our regular routine
• Time with Monica...we had such a good time being together. Although we missed Addie and often spoke using Addie-isms we loved that it felt like we were dating again. After a few long years of work and school this was the perfect way to wrap up that time and look forward to what is next. I'm thankful to be married to someone who loves me and is committed to our marriage.
• Laughter...we laughed a lot this weekend and that felt great. It's amazing how much laughter can do for a relationship.

What about you? Do you have any marriage retreat stories to share? Anything that's worked well for you and yours?

Praying with Eyes Wide Open--A Lesson Learned from a 3-Year-Old

Tonight at dinner Addie prayed for our meal. We held hands and she began, "Dear God, thank you for this day and for the sun, and for the cup, and the mac and cheese, and the fork, and for Jackson's family, and for the ketchup, and the milk, and for our friends and for our food. Amen." A few items into her list I realized she was looking around and thanking God for whatever she saw. She was praying with her eyes wide open.

For a few years I've been puzzled by the fact that most Christians close their eyes during prayer, especially during the Lord's Prayer. It's funny that we would pray a prayer beginning with "Our Father..." with our eyes closed. Shouldn't a corporate prayer be prayed in full view of one another such that we are opened to the outside, to the needs and gifts of others. The churches where I've attended have fallen prey to the understanding, or misunderstanding, that "it's all about me and Jesus." What might happen if we opened our eyes and our lives in prayerful action so that we see beyond ourselves? What if, like my daughter, with eyes wide open, we began naming those things in our world for which we are thankful and those things which we need God to set aright?